I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
