How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am one with the molecules
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
