A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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