I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
