apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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