Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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