I love black thongs
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
