Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
