im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
