He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
