As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
