I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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