South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
