He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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