i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
