Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
