I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
