fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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