Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
