I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
