what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
