At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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