So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just high enough for therapy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
