It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do vagina's smell?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
