yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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