Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
