it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
