this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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