Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
