Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
