he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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