I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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