Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So vagazzling was a success
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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