He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
