Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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