Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
