u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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