I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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