Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
