I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I am morally bankrupt
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
