im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
