he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
