Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
