Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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