i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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