I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
