halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
