I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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