the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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