I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We have started to decorate penises.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
