The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How does one acquire holy water?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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