wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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