Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
